


Something Stupid

by what_a_butt



Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Crushes, F/M, Feelings!, Some Swearing, a little angsty, a little bit of nsfw content, a little out of character?, being in love (whoops), carmen doesnt know how to deal with emotions, i tried hard i really did, idk how burner phones work, idk how long this is gonna be, idk how memory loss works, idk how to tag, ive never written a fanfiction before whoops, kind of an au situation, rating went up oops, sorry if it's bad, this isnt beta read, to be continued i guess??, uh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 16:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20838305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/what_a_butt/pseuds/what_a_butt
Summary: Alternate universe where Carmen crosses the street.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello fellas. this is the first fanfiction ive ever written and it isn't beta read. i'm sorry if it's terrible. i've never, ever, in all my years of reading fanfiction, pictured myself writing one but here the fuck we are! i actually started writing this around april/may ish, and i wrote 4 chapters of it. i wanted to upload it before season 2 came out but totally forgot about it, now it's the night before s2 and im posting the first chapter out of 4. i can upload the other ones if you guys want me to but i think that depends on if you guys like it? so idk. tell me what you think, leave criticism, let me know if you liked it or hated it or whatever, or if i should upload the rest. idk how to upload more chapters but i will figure it out. also, after tomorrow, if i upload the rest, it won't be canon compliant, not that it ever was in the first place but. y'know. anyways, enjoy.

Carmen stood at the bus station waiting. She sees Gray - no, wait, he's just Graham now - from across the street. She briefly considers turning back instead of crossing to meet him. Graham's memory was erased. Now that he doesn't remember anything from their time together at V.I.L.E. (not even Carmen), she doesn't want to risk putting him in danger again.

She cares about him too much to do that.

She sees the next bus coming from down the road. She looks at Graham (she really, really, wants to call him Gray) for what she thinks will be the final time. She wants nothing more than to keep him safe, and she thinks this is for the better, if they part ways here and never speak again.

The bus is coming and she's about to turn her gaze away from the former V.I.L.E. agent when his eyes suddenly meet hers. She notices the way his face lights up, starting with his eyes and ending with a large, genuine smile on his face. He stands up, waiting to greet her.

She doesn't want to get on the bus anymore. She never wanted to in the first place. But seeing him so happy made her push all rational thought aside. She momentarily forgets about the risks. The danger. The thought of losing him again.

Player’s voice is echoing in her ear though her spyware. She’s not listening to whatever he’s saying. She shuts the earpiece off and smiles at Graham.

She crosses the street.

The night goes well. The food is delicious. She doesn't really know how to act around him, now that he has absolutely no memory of what they were before, but she tries her best to pretend she doesn't know him.

It's hard.

They make small talk and Graham (she's waiting for the okay from him to let her call him Gray) tells her things about his life that she already knew. It crushes her inside, to know that he doesn't remember. That he's forgotten everything about V.I.L.E, about their old friends, about her, about them. But she stays silent. She gives very, very vague details about her life, but only when he asks. She wants to just tell him everything right then and there, surrounded by tons of people, the full truth. She hates having to keep secrets from her best friend - well, former best friend.

It really hurts.

At the end of the night, she does something she would normally find very stupid. Graham asks for her number, and she gives it to him. She considered the risks. The danger. All of it. But she gives it to him anyways. The number on the untraceable burner phone (an ugly, 2001 flip phone - not the newer model she used to contact Player, Zack and Ivy with) Player set up for her a long time ago.

"You'll have to call me," She tells him. "I'm not too good at responding to texts."

"Fine by me," He laughs in response.

They say their goodbyes. She tells him she might not be in Australia for long before they go their separate ways, but she'll be back soon enough. He understands.

"I'll be looking forward to your return, then. Give me a call when you fly in next," He says with a smile.

"Oh, and Carmen, one more thing." He adds.

"Hm?"

"Call me Gray."

A month goes by. Gray calls her while she's in Mumbai, trying to hunt down Paper Star. She answers and they talk for a while. Another week goes by and she's in San Francisco, and they chat over the phone. Another week and she’s in France again. He calls her there, too, and she answers, but they can't talk for long.

He asks her why she travels so much.

"It's for work." Carmen answers quickly.

"Oh? What is it that you do?" Gray asks.

"I'm a... researcher..." It's not exactly a lie. "Work has me jumping from place to place. I've learned a lot since I started this job. I'm fluent in, like, five languages." She jokes. It's actually more than five. She hopes he won't ask about her job anymore.

He doesn't. She's thankful. The conversation ends on a good note, and she hangs up smiling.

She hops he did, too.

He calls her a few days after the incident with Shadow-San (maybe she should start calling him Dad? That's something to think about another time). She's met up with Zack, Ivy, and Player in his Niagara Falls home (his parents are visiting relatives in Toronto for a week, so he's got the house to himself and invites Carmen to stay in the guest room for a few nights. Zack and Ivy get a hotel). Even though she’s still processing what happened, she answers the phone when Gray calls.

She can't tell him what happened. Everything with Shadow-San, how she’s stopped having nightmares about the coat and the money, how she’s started having nightmares about Brunt choking her to death (so much for “mama bear”), and pretty much everything else that’s been through. She wants to so, so badly, though. Instead, they mainly just make small talk and Gray tells her stories about his job. Occasionally, he’ll bring up something about his missing year. It’s a little painful to listen to, but after everything Carmen’s been through, she can handle it for the duration of the conversation.

After analyzing the second V.I.L.E hard drive, Player tells the team that the next heist date isn't for a while, so Carmen has some time (probably a week and a half at most) to take a break from her thievery and crime fighting.

She decides to fly back to Australia. She's up and out of Player's house (she thanks and hugs him before she leaves, though) and on a flight from Toronto to Sydney in four hours. She doesn't take a private jet with Zack and Ivy like she usually does. This time, she sits alone in the economy class of a normal passenger airplane. There's a connecting flight and layover (something she's really not used to; when it's "work" related, she usually flies direct) in Hong Kong, which can't be that bad, she thinks, because it'll give her a chance to practice her Cantonese.

She knows this is wrong.

She knows that everything she's done up to this point is wrong. It was wrong to cross the street that night. It was wrong for her to join Gray at the cafe. It was wrong for her to give him her number. It was wrong for her to answer all his calls. It's wrong for her to be on a plane to see him again.

It's wrong for her to call him when she gets off the plane.

"Oh my god, no way, Carmen! Wait, wait, wait, stay there, I'll come pick you up. You must be tired after flying for so long,” Is what Gray says when he hears the news. "Well, actually, I'm not sure where you flew from. Tell me about it in the car. See you soon, mate." And with that he hangs up.

After re-adjusting her bun and changing her clothes in the washroom (she stunk like she'd been on an airplane for over fifteen hours, because she had), Carmen waits patiently with her small carry-on luggage near the entrance of the large Sidney airport. She plays a game on her phone. Not the burner phone, but the one she uses to contact Player (he was the one who set the game up for her).

While she thumbs around on the screen, sliding puzzle pieces into place, she thinks. Thinks about how she feels, really feels, about Gray. She had hours to think on the plane, and that she did, but now that she's about to see him again, her thoughts come back to her.

Carmen has always loved Gray. But she'd always thought it was a friendship kind of love, and nothing more. She knew she cared for him, and she knew that at one point, he cared about her, too. It hurts her to think about.

And it's this hurt, this pain, of Gray not remembering her - not remembering them - that makes her realize they way she feels about him - the love she feels towards him - may be more than just a platonic feeling.

She gets the overwhelming urge to tell him everything again, just like she did when they were at the cafe. Her heart pounds in her chest at the thought of trying to help him remember. But she knows it's dangerous. She knows she can't. And she knows that even if he did, it wouldn't help him remember. He would probably think she was crazy.

She wishes she could tell him and make him remember, because not only would it bring back what they had, it might also help her sort out her feelings about him.

She can’t help but want to trust him the way she did when they were just two young friends at V.I.L.E. It just feels right to trust him so easily. But she snaps herself out of it when she remembers it’s not This Gray that she trusts, but the Gray she remembers - the Gray she used to know.

She brushes all of her thoughts aside when she gets a call from Gray to let her know he's outside. She exits the building to see Gray standing right in front of his car. He smiles.

"Carmen! How's it going, mate? Here, let me take your luggage." He says upon seeing her.

They get in the car. Gray asks her where she's supposed to go.

Ah, Shit, Carmen thinks to herself. She didn't book a place to stay. She can probably ask Player to get her a room somewhere if she gives him a call later. But for now, she needs to respond to Gray without sounding like an idiot.

"Oh, um, actually," She starts. "I... don't have anywhere to stay yet. But I can probably get my... uh...assistant... to book me a room somewhere-"

"Nowhere to stay, mate? You're welcome to come crash at my place for a bit if you need to. I've got an extra room in my flat. It's a little messy right now but I'll clean it out for ya." Gray interrupts.

"O-oh," Carmen stutters out. The two of them used to sleep in close proximity back at V.I.LE. But it's been a while since she's truly stayed with Gray. She wants to accept his offer, she really does, but she knows she'll just get hurt remembering their time together on the island if she does. She probably won't be able to sleep. "I'm really grateful for the offer, but I don't want to burden you. I don't even know how long I'm going to be staying here in Sydney. But thank you, Gray. That's really sweet of you."

"What? No, you're not a bother at all. I promise it's not an issue if you stay. It's my pleasure to have you over. Free of charge. After all, we are friends, no? It's the least I could do."

Friends. The word hits her like a train. She feels like she's about to start crying, but she doesn't know if she'd be crying out of sadness or overwhelming joy.

She doesn't cry.

The two drive up to Gray's apartment building. It's a seven story beige building across the water from downtown Sydney.

Carmen is exhausted. Gray takes her inside and shows her around. She's grateful. She really is, and she tells him this. The minute he leaves her alone she throws herself onto the bed. She's out within minutes.

When she wakes up, it's the evening. The sun has started setting. She gets out of bed, Gray's bed, she realizes, and goes to take a shower. Gray isn't home, so she thinks he's probably left for work. She recalls him telling her in the car ride over that there's a showing of Norma at the opera house tonight, so he'll be working.

She realizes while she's in the shower that she really doesn't have anything to do in Sydney. She flew over because she wanted to see Gray. It just felt right. But now that she's here, and remembering that for Gray it probably doesn't feel the same for him as it does for her, she has no idea what she's going to do while she's here.

She can probably give Player a call once she gets out of the shower.

“Player, why did you let me do this? I impulsively flew all the way to Australia for absolutely no reason and now I’m here, in Gray’s flat, with nothing to do because you just let me leave.” Carmen’s on the phone with Player now. She’s feeling too many emotions right now and she may or may not be taking them out on Player.

“Carmen, you and I both know that I have nothing to do with the fact that you did something crazy like this on impulse,” Player says in response. He’s right, and she knows it. Player has nothing to do with her own stupid decisions. “And, Carmen, it’s really not like you to try and pin the blame on anybody else. There’s something bothering you…”

He’s silent for a moment, and so is she, until he says:

“It’s Gray, isn’t it?”

She’s shocked. “What? No. I mean, well, yes, I am in his flat. But I-”

“Carmen.” Player interrupts her, but she isn’t mad. “As your best friend, I can tell your emotions are everywhere. Do you want to tell me what’s going on? I can also get Zack and Ivy on the line if you’d like and we can talk about this as a group, but I’m not sure how helpful Zack would be.”

She’s thankful, but she doesn’t want to burden the boy. “Oh, no, don’t get them involved. I’m sorry for dragging you into my own problems. It was rude of me and I’m sorry. And I didn’t mean to pin the blame on you either. I can hang up the phone now if you want.”

“No. Carmen. It’s not a problem. It’s not like I’ve got anything important I need to attend to. I’m always happy to listen. I can tell you need to spill your guts out, so do it. I’m all ears.”

Carmen doesn’t know what she would do without this boy. He’s done so much for her. She’s extremely grateful.

So she starts talking.

“Well… I guess I flew over because it just felt right. I don’t know. I can’t describe it. I could have flown literally anywhere else in the world, and I had to come here of all places. Maybe it’s him. Maybe he’s the reason I’m here. Maybe I miss him or something. I don’t know. I really do not know, dude.”

Player is silent on the other end. So she keeps talking.

She tells him about her thoughts about Gray lately. About how she misses them, and about how she doesn’t know what to do, and about how it’s all wrong, them being in contact with each other, her literally staying in his flat, everything.

By the time she’s done, she’s sure Player has fallen asleep. But she’s reassured that he hasn’t, because suddenly he says,

“Carmen?”

“Hm?”

“It kinda sounds to me like you’re in love with your old best friend.”

Carmen doesn’t know how to feel about this theory. She’s taken aback by her best friend’s words. She stays silent for a few seconds.

“Carmen? Are you still there?”

In a small, quiet voice, she slowly says, “....yeah. Yeah, I am.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So. Since you guys were so super sweet with the first chapter and you seemed to not hate it, I've decided to post the rest! This was written all the way back in May, as I think I already mentioned, so it very absolutely does not follow cannon now that season 2 is out. Speaking of, what did you guys think of the new season? I loved every minute of it, I thought it was amazing. PLUS they really said redcrackle rights with that episode, huh? AND THE SCENE WHERE THEY'RE HANGING ONTO EACH OTHER? I had to cry. Anyways, let me know what you thought about the new season (which isn't so new anymore since I'm posting this 18 days after it came out, whoops) in the comments. Also, give me feedback or writing tips on this chapter in the comments! I've been scared to post it since I feel like I'm letting you all down with this one because I don't like as much as the first chapter and I don't think it's as well written, so I'm really sorry about that, but hopefully you guys don't hate it, haha. Besides being scared, I've also been really busy lately and haven't had the time to edit and post this chapter. But here it is! Sorry for the long winded note, by the way. Okay anyways please enjoy!

Carmen wakes up the next morning not knowing what to do with herself. She’s still recovering from last night’s revelation that she’s probably in love with her ex best friend, who barely even knows who she is, now that his memories are gone. 

This is bad. 

This is really fucking bad. 

She can not have feelings for Gray. It puts her safety and his in jeopardy. And that is not a risk she is willing to take. She doesn’t like the idea of being the reason he rejoins V.I.L.E. And even if he didn’t rejoin, having knowledge of the organization as an outsider puts a big, fat target on his back. 

She doesn’t want to lose him again. 

These feelings are so fucking selfish of me, she thinks. I should just ignore them until they go away. It’s better for the both of us. 

She sits up in the bed, and the distant sound of eggs frying floats to her ears. She can kind of smell them, too. 

She stands and walks out to the bathroom, passing the kitchen along the way. She sees Gray at the stove, but he doesn’t turn around, so she keeps going. 

A few minutes later, she’s dressed in one of her favourite warm weather outfits: a red and white cropped top with high waisted denim shorts that fit perfectly on her rounded hips. She’s wearing her go-to makeup look of simple winged eyeliner and ruby red lips. Her crimson hair sits on the top of her head in a neat bun. She joins him in the kitchen, but he seems focused on the eggs. He’s humming a tune from last night’s show. There’s two slices of bread in the toaster, she notices, which means one of two things: Gray either eats a lot of food for breakfast (Carmen wouldn’t be surprised, one time he ate 7 servings of lasagna in the mess hall back at V.I.L.E.), or he’s making her breakfast, too. She doesn’t want to be a burden, but she kind of hopes he’s making her breakfast. 

She learns she’s right when she observes the two plates on the counter beside Gray. The toast pops. Carmen stays silent as she watches him prepare both plates with food. When Gray turns around holding the plates, he sees her, and his eyes widen in surprise at first, but then his face relaxes and he smiles. 

“Morning, sunshine,” He teases, and puts the plates on the small kitchen table. “I hope you slept well. I know that mattress in that room isn’t very comfortable, so I’m sorry if you didn’t.” 

“Morning. And I actually slept well, thanks.” She means it. She seriously hasn’t slept well in a long time. She’s always on the run from V.I.L.E, and after the recent events that occurred in Paris, she’s been unable to sleep a full night, even when she was at Player’s house, where she’s (supposedly) safe. 

But now she knows (or at least, would like to tell herself she knows) that the target on her back is temporarily gone. She feels safe with Gray. She didn’t have a nightmare about Brunt. She’s incredibly thankful. But she can’t tell him all of this, so she stays silent and watches Gray pull a chair out. 

“I made you breakfast,” He says. 

“I see that. Thank you. But you really didn’t have to,” she says. 

“No, I didn’t, but I did. So eat up, Red,” He teases. 

Red. The nickname makes her heart flutter. She recalls him calling her “Ol’ Red Sneakaroo” on the first night the two met after his memory was erased. The fact that he’s called her ‘Red’ instead of ‘Black Sheep’ - a name she’d rather forget - makes her feel somewhat weak in the knees. All of her friends now call her ‘Red,’ but when Gray does it, it feels different. 

She loves it. 

They eat breakfast and make casual conversation. It’s going well until Gray asks her, 

“So, what’s on the agenda for today? Work, I assume, right?” 

Ah, shit, now she either has to come up with a really elaborate lie or tell him the truth. 

Why not a little bit of both? 

“Oh, um, actually,” She starts, “I have… paid time off from work. I didn’t really know what to do with myself. I don’t have roots, and traveling has been the only thing I’ve ever known, so I, uh,” She hesitated before saying the next bit, “I… thought I’d just come visit you.” 

She can’t look him in the eye, so she settles for staring down at her food and slicing her egg yolk in half slowly with her fork. 

“Oh, I see, couldn’t resist not staying away from my perfect face, huh?” Gray jokes. 

She doesn’t know what to say to this. But it’s funny, so she laughs. 

“I mean, kind of.” She giggles. “That sounds kind of weird, I’m sorry. But I’m not here for work. And I don’t really have any plans for the day. So I was just thinking I’d call my boss and maybe he could find something for me to do over here, work related or not.” 

“Why don’t ya spend the day with me? I don’t have work until later this evening. I can show you around Sydney.” He says in response. 

“Gray… I would love that, actually.” 

“Perfect. Is there anywhere specific you want to go? Anything you’ve always wanted to do here?” He asks.

“Actually, no, nothing I can think of. We can do whatever you think we should do.” 

“Sure mate, sounds good.” Gray says. “Hey, since you mentioned earlier that you haven’t got roots, where are you originally from?” 

Carmen almost chokes on her toast (but she doesn’t). She knew she’d have to tell him more private details about her life eventually, but she’d been putting off coming up with a good lie. So she figures she’ll have to make one up on the spot, or not tell the entire truth. 

Or both.

“I’m originally from Argentina. But I was raised by a foster family on an island.” 

“An island? That’s interesting. Which one?”

“Oh, a small one off the coast of Africa. You can’t find it on a map and you’ve probably never heard of it either.” That part wasn’t a complete lie.

“Mm,” Gray says through a mouthful of toast. “May I ask why an island, or that island specifically?” 

Carmen still doesn’t know why Shadow-San brought her to the Isle of V.I.L.E., or why or how he even found her in the first place, or why he happened to be in Argentina, or why he decided to take her with him and not drop her off at an orphanage or something. She still had so many questions. And she didn’t really know how to answer Gray’s question honestly. 

“I… honestly don’t know. It’s just where my family wanted to be I guess.” 

She’s really unsure about the word “family.” She used to just think about the faculty at V.I.L.E (minus Shadow-San) and even Gray when she thought about the word, Coach Brunt specifically. But now, after what happened, she doesn’t know what to think. Part of her thinks about Zack, Ivy and Player, and the other part of her wants to think about Shadow-San. 

That train of thought is derailed when she hears Gray make a noise of interest from across the table. She hopes this is the end of the conversation, because she doesn’t really want to think about it anymore. Thankfully, it is, because he mutters out an “excuse me” and takes his plate to the sink. Carmen quickly finishes eating and joins him at the sink with her empty plate. 

“Thank you, again. For breakfast. I really appreciate it.” 

“Hey, don’t mention it, mate.” 

The day starts with a walking tour of Sydney’s downtown. Carmen’s seen it before, briefly, but she’s happy she gets to take her time to explore all of it with Gray. It ends (well, the day itself doesn’t end, but Gray has to go to work soon, so they have to wrap up) with a walk on the beach. It’s only about 4 pm when they get back to Gray’s flat. He gets ready to leave for work, but before he does, Carmen wants to thank him. 

“Hey,” she says, as he’s grabbing the keys to the flat. He’s on his way out. “Thank you for today. I had a lot of fun. And I really appreciate you doing that for me. Sorry to have made you take time out of your day for me, though,” She smiles at him. 

“Hey, it’s my pleasure. And it’s not like I have anything else to do in the mornings. Oh, how about we see the aquarium tomorrow, yeah? I think you’d like it.” He tells her. 

“That sounds like a plan to me.” 

“Great. It’s a date, I’ll see you later.” He says. He walks out the front door and shuts it behind him before she has time to respond. 

A date. Carmen stands in the same place for a few minutes trying to process what she heard. Did he mean date as in the actual date, date as in two friends just spending time together, or date as in a romantic outing? 

She really, really wants it to be the third one. 

It’s late now. Gray’s still at work and Carmen’s laying in her bed in his guest room trying to fall asleep, which seems like it isn’t going to happen anytime soon because she’s still thinking about Gray’s choice of words earlier. A date. 

Carmen’s never been on a date before. She doesn’t know much about that kind of thing. Growing up, her nannies would occasionally tell her about their husbands or boyfriends (however, she remembers a few of her nannies had wives or girlfriends instead) in between language and cultural lessons. But that was all she really knew. She never talked about that kind of thing with the faculty staff. Mainly because she couldn’t. It was taboo to mention such things in front of them. So she never did. When she got too old for a nanny, she stopped hearing about romance altogether - that is, until she enrolled as a thief-in-training. She used to eavesdrop on late night conversations between Sheena, Jean-Paul, Antonio and a few other classmates. They talked about teenager things, mostly, even though they weren’t teenagers anymore, like past drug use, romance, gossip, and sex. (She didn’t even know what half of those things were, and it’s not like she had anyone to ask). She always remembered hearing Sheena’s voice the most, usually talking about ex-boyfriends or bad dates. She also vaguely recalls Jean-Paul telling a few stories about past sexual encounters. But the stories from other people were the only way she was able to form some sort of understanding of the idea of romance. She’d never experienced it for herself. 

Of course, after getting in contact with Player, she would call him on occasion and ask all of her questions. He told her everything he knew, which really wasn’t much, but it was certainly a start. He told her what he knew about romance. Dates. Marriage. Love (well, he tried to, at least). Sex and sexual health (or at least everyhting he knew about the topic at his age). Stuff like that. It really wasn’t until she met Ivy that she had somebody to talk with in depth about these things. 

Ivy. She gets the idea to call Ivy and ask for advice. She doesn’t know what Gray means by ‘date’ and she doesn’t know how to act if he means what she thinks he does. But Ivy does. Ivy knows all about relationships. 

She dials the redhead’s number. It rings for what feels like forever when she finally hears noise on the other end. 

“ZACH! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY GODDAMN BAGEL!” Ivy shouts from the other end in her thick Boston accent. Carmen jumps and almost drops the phone. She assumes she might have to wait a few minutes before she’s able to have an actual conversation with her ginger friend. 

“Ivy, I’m hungry-” 

“ZACH. DEAR LORD, YOU’VE HAD THREE BAGELS, TWO CUPS OF COFFEE, A BOWL OF FRUIT AND A GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE FOR BREAKFAST ALREADY. ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHIN’? I HAVE YET TO EAT MY DAMN FOOD! IDIOT! GET LOST!” 

Carmen can’t help but let out a laugh. She’s heard the siblings bicker before, but never over a bagel.

It’s almost comforting, hearing them argue. She realizes she misses them. Hopefully they’ll have another excuse to see each other soon, heist or not. 

“Jesus, Ivy, calm down, it’s just a bagel.” 

“Zack, don’t test me, or I will kick you where the sun don’t shine. Go bother Mom or somethin’! Let me eat damn it! Oh yeah, and Carm’s on the line, so leave me alone!” 

“Oh? Carmen’s on the line? Can I say hi? Hi Carm!” She hears Zack yell from the distance. She’s tempted to say something back, but then she hears Ivy: 

“She can’t hear you, moron. And even if she could she’s not on speaker. Call her yourself later if you wanna speak to her so bad.” 

“Awe, man, Ivy, you’re so mean to me. Not even letting me talk to my friend. At least say hi to her for me!” Zach says. Carmen thinks he left the room afterwards.

“Ah, sorry about that, Carm, my brother is an idiot. Anyways, why’d you call? Is it another mission?” 

“It’s ok. Be nice to Zack. And tell him I say hi, too. Oh, and sorry Ivy, it’s not a mission if that’s what you were hoping for. I was actually wondering if you have a few minutes? There’s… kind of something I was hoping I could get your advice on.” 

Ivy’s voice softends immediately. “Yeah, sure, Carm, what’s up? Oh, let me move to another room first and then we can talk in peace. Zack and I are staying with our parents at our old house for the time bein’, so sorry if it’s loud. Ah, shit, the dog’s in my room, give me a sec.” After Ivy says this, Carmen hears some rustling from Ivy’s side of the line followed by some kissing and cooing noises. Ivy then proceeds to talk to her dog in a higher pitched and sweeter sounding voice, and Carmen assumes she’s coaxing it out of the room. 

Carmen is glad Ivy’s taking a while. It gives her time to organize her thoughts and tell her exactly what she wants to say. Plus, it makes her smile to hear Ivy baby-taking her dog. She hears more rustling before Ivy picks up the phone again. 

“Sorry about that. Again. Anyways, we’re alone now, in a quiet space. Vent your heart out. Tell me everything.” 

Carmen tries to give Ivy a summary of everything that’s happened since she flew to Australia. The fact she’s staying with her ex best friend, her feelings about him (which she still isn’t sure about because her thoughts are a mess), her conversation with Player, about how she knows everything is wrong, the ‘date’ thing, and her previous inability to sleep. 

She hears silence for about five seconds on the other end, but to Carmen it feels like ten minutes. It feels like Ivy is judging her and every mistake she’s made up to this point. Her raging thoughts are alleviated when Ivy (finally) says something. 

“Carm? It sounds to me like Player is right. And it also sounds like Gray’s got a fat honkin’ crush on you, based on the non-stop flirting. So yeah, my best guess is that he really meant it when he said date.” 

Carmen wants to be shocked. But she isn’t. She secretly wanted it to be a date - and that’s exactly what it is. But she is kind of shocked that Ivy confirms her feelings for Gray. She doesn’t like the idea of having feelings for him. And she doesn’t even know if she’s in love with the old Gray, the one she used to know, or this new Gray, the one who used to know her. He’s the same person, but at the same time, he’s not, and she doesn’t really know how to feel about that. 

“Uh, hey, Carm? You still there?” Ivy’s voice frees her from her own thoughts. She hadn’t even realized she’d been silent for a while. 

She needs to stop doing that. She did the same thing to Player the last time she was on the phone. 

It’s been a tough few days of realization. 

“Oh, sorry, yeah, I was just thinking,” She tells Ivy. 

“Hey, I know it can be a lot to take in. But I’m still here to listen if you need to talk about it.” 

“No, I’m alright - Thank you, Ivy. Oh, wait, actually, yeah. I’ve never been on a date before. I don’t know what to do.” 

“Seriously? Never? But you’re freakin’ hot. Who wouldn’t wanna date you? 

“Thank you, Ivy, I’m flattered. But no, I’ve really never been on one. Honestly.” 

Ivy exhales before speaking again. “If you say so. Just be yourself, Red. Don’t stress. And if you’re staying at his place, he’s already seen how you look. So don’t worry about any of that. Just talk to him like you normally would. If the mood is right, maybe it’ll be appropriate to hold his hand. I don’t know. You have to trust yourself, Carm. I think you’ll do just fine.” 

“Thank you, Ivy. I really appreciate, uh… all of this. All of your help. Sorry for spilling my guts out to you,” Carmen says. 

“Hey, it’s no big deal. I’m always happy to help. Besides, I rant to you a lot. It’s good that we can have conversations like this. From one girl to another.” Carmen hears Ivy pause for a bit, accompanied by some background chatter before she speaks into the phone again, “Ah, Zack says my mom wants us all to play a family board game. That’s not gonna end well. So I gotta go. But feel free to call me again at any time if you ever need me, ok?” 

“Sure. Thanks. Talk to you later, Ivy,” Carmen says with a smile. She knows Ivy can’t see her face, but she truly is thankful for her friend’s help. 

“Anytime, Carm. Bye!” And with that, the other line goes silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was that. Hope you all didn't hate it, because admittedly I kind of do, but it's whatever, y'know? Also, on a completely unrelated note (I don't know where else to share this so I'm putting it here), in the midst of all my business, I went to go see PROMARE with some friends, and you guys. Let me tell you. It was incredible. Literally the BEST movie I have EVER seen. Please go see it. Or if you've already seen it please feel free to gush about it in the comments with me. I've literally listened to nothing but the OST all week.
> 
> So now that that's out of the way, thanks for reading! Tell me if you enjoyed it or if I should post the next chapter or if you hated it and don't want to ever see me update again, just be honest, I promise I won't be upset.
> 
> EDIT: how do i get rid of the other end of chapter note that shows up below this one? idk how ao3 works plz if u help me i will give u a kiss xoxo


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the mini hiatus! i've been busy. this chappie is kinda short, sorry about that. also, rating went up. theres nsfw content in this chapter lol. if u wanna skip it stop reading at "no, it isn't wrong" and start reading again at "this is bad." stay safe and enjoy.

The next day comes, and the date is going better than Carmen expects. She’s wearing comfortable denim shorts and a simple cropped red tee-shirt, and Gray is adorned in beige cargo shorts and a baby blue button up tee-shirt with the top two buttons undone. 

She doesn’t know why she was so worried. 

She can’t be herself to the fullest, because she can’t expose herself to Gray, but she doesn’t really lie to him when he asks her questions about her life. She’s doing her best. 

She asks him about his life, too, and he gives her honest answers, but she already knows the answers to all the questions she asks him. 

It kind of hurts her to have to hear him say things twice. She knows everything about him already. She’s only asking him so it’s not weird later if she slips up and says something about him that’s oddly personal. 

It’s hard to avoid accidentally mentioning a story from their V.I.L.E. days. It’s also hard to not say “hey remember that time we” or “that reminds me of that one time we” out loud. She certainly thinks those thoughts, though, and then immediately shuts herself up. Internally, that is. 

They see the sharks. And the jellyfish. Everything at the aquarium. Carmen’s never actually been to an aquarium before, she tells Gray, but she’s been scuba diving a few times, so does that count? She tells him this too. 

“Wow, scuba diving? That’s really cool, Red.” He says. Carmen starts to be hyper-aware of every time he calls her Red. She loves it. She wants him to say it more. “Why’d you go diving? Any particular reason?” He asks. 

“Oh, um, it was a work related activity,” She says in response. That’s actually true. It was for work. 

“It seems like you’ve got quite the job. You live quite the, for lack of better terms, wild life, for a researcher. I wish my job was more exciting. I mean, I like my job, but ever since the accident, I’ve felt like it’s not enough, you know?” 

Her heart rate increases and her stomach almost drops when he says that. She can also feel her eyes widen at that statement. She almost stops walking. 

She doesn’t know what to say to that. Millions of bad thoughts hit her like a truck. What if he remembers, oh no, he remembers, he’s going to find out about V.I.L.E. again, oh my god, how am I going to deal with this, and so on. 

She realizes she’s been silent for a suspicious amount of time. She hopes Gray thinks she’s just zoned out or something. She needs to say something before he realizes something is wrong. 

“Oh, I can’t say I’ve ever experienced that before. But I can see why you might think that,” She says. She needs to choose her words very carefully. 

“Well, I mean, you’ve got an amazing job. You get to see something, somewhere, or, I guess also someone new pretty much every day, it seems. To be honest, I think it’d be really cool to have a job like that. Sounds like a lot of fun. I don’t travel much, but I’d love to do it more. But I’m also passionate about electricity. I’ve always wanted to work with it.” He says. Carmen already knows the part about how much he likes working with electricity. He told her within the first few days of them meeting for the first time at V.I.L.E. Gray continues talking, “I guess my dream job would probably be something that incorporates travel and electricity.” 

This time, Carmen’s stomach really does drop. She’s panicking now, because this is probably exactly what he said before joining V.I.L.E. 

She needs to change the conversation topic immediately before he gets the idea for a second time. 

“Ah. That makes sense. Hey, so I was thinking we could go see the dolphins now, if that’s alright with you,” She says quickly. She turns to smile at him, and hopefully he gets the hint. 

He does, apparently, because he smirks back at her before saying, “Sure, mate. Was thinking we’d do that anyways. You read my mind.” 

Gray has work again, and it’s another night where she’s left alone in his flat. She isn’t sure what to do. She tries watching something on his small television, but nothing is interesting to her, and besides, the whole concept of watching television for fun is a concept she’s still unfamiliar with. She doesn’t want to play the little phone game Player set up for her, and she doesn’t really want to leave the house. What would she even do in public at this hour? 

She thinks about practicing a language, but she doesn’t know which one, because she (still) doesn’t know where she’s going to go next. She doesn’t have internet access on her phone, and she doesn’t really understand why, but Player says it’s unsafe to go online if she wants to go untracked, so she can’t access anything there. Gray doesn’t seem to have very many books - she looked, but the only ones he actually does own, she’s either already read or they’re manuals on electricity. 

For the second time in her whole life (the first time it happened she was a young teenager on the Isle of V.I.L.E., eager to join crime school), Carmen is bored. The elusive Carmen Sandiego, wanted by two major organizations, policemen, and thousands of people around the world, the infamous woman who travels somewhere new every day, la femme rouge who speaks multiple languages and to whom money is no object is bored. 

Tomorrow I’ll go out and buy a few books, she thinks. Or at least ask Player to set up a secure internet connection for me. 

For the time being, she decides she needs a shower. 

The hot water is hitting Carmen’s back at a desirable speed and pressure. She washes her long hair and just takes some time standing in the water just thinking, not actually doing anything. She thinks about the warmth of the water, and briefly considers what that warmth would feel like if it were a person instead of hot water. 

When she closes her eyes, she thinks of Gray. She thinks about how nice it would feel to be in his arms, just lying peacefully. 

She still doesn’t know how to feel about him. But with every passing day, she’s starting to think that Player and Ivy are right. 

Maybe she feels something more towards her former best friend than just companionship. Maybe, deep down, she wants to be with him, just like they said.

The water in the shower suddenly gets cold, snapping her out of her affectionate thoughts. She’s been in the shower for way too long. She comes to the realization of what she’s been thinking about. 

Carmen, no, stop, you can’t be thinking about Gray like that, it puts both of you in danger. 

She lays in bed and thinks about a lot of things. 

It’s probably time she leaves Sydney. She needs to be careful as to not get too attached, to the city and to Gray. She can’t afford to think about him romantically. It puts both of them in danger. 

But when she thinks about him, about his goofy and charismatic personality, his handsome face, his adorable accent, his toned arms and attractive body, his hair (and how much she wants to run her hands through it), his collarbones that were visible due to the open buttons on his shirt earlier today, the way he makes her breakfast, the way flirts with her, the fact that he is literally letting her stay in his flat, their history together (like the late nights they spent talking in the dorms at V.I.L.E, for example), and everything else she can think of when she thinks about him… it kind of makes her want to hold him tight and smash her lips against his. 

She thinks that maybe it’s good she has a second chance. It’s an opportunity to start over, to potentially have the chance to be together with Gray’s life of crime in the past. 

No, no, this is very, very wrong, she thinks. 

But is it? 

Is it really so wrong, now that she’s safe for a while, now that he’s a new man with his vile past behind him, now that she’s laying in his guest room bed? 

The tightening feeling in her lower abdomen is telling her no, it isn’t wrong. 

It’s been a long, long time since Carmen did this. She used to do it every once in a while in her private room on the isle as a younger teenager before she really knew what it was. But she’d since stopped after she had to room with other individuals in her class. And after fleeing from the organization, she hadn’t had a permanent bed to stay in. Every night, she was somewhere new. Hopping from place to place, room to room, bed to bed, never feeling comfortable or safe enough to do it again. 

But now that she was here, the target on her back gone for a short amount of time, safe in this bed, which was also temporary but didn’t feel like it, she figured that maybe, just maybe, it was okay to do it again. 

All of her sensible thoughts left her as her hand slowly roamed down her body, carefully caressing her stomach, her hips, and her outer thighs before landing in between her legs. Gently, she rubbed her hand up and down, closing her eyes and biting her lower lip. 

Her hand made its way to the waistband of her grey pajama pants, and she cautiously spread her legs a little bit. The tips of her fingers dipped below her waistband, and finally, she slipped her entire hand into her underwear. 

She thought about Gray. Deep down, she knew it was wrong. Wrong to be thinking about him like this, wrong to be doing this in somebody else’s bed, and certainly wrong to be thinking about him while doing this. But she didn’t care. She didn’t want to stop. She used her other hand to cover her mouth while the one hidden beneath the sheets moved into a rhythm. 

She thought about his cute voice, his messy hair (with her fingers through it), and his attractive face. She imagined his shirt from earlier with all of the buttons undone, she imagined kissing his lips with her own, she imagined his face hovering above hers, and her face burned red, as she imagined that the hand moving so pleasantly around down there was his. 

She threw her head back and came with a muffled cry, her eyes squeezing more tightly shut as she worked her way through the high. 

She came down with long and heavy breaths. As she removed her hand from its comfortable place between her thighs, she realized what she had done and was quickly overcome with guilt and other feelings of immediate regret. 

Oh no. Oh no. Oh my fucking god, no, no, no, this can not be happening right now, I did not just do that, she thinks. 

This is bad. This is very bad. She can’t do this kind of thing anymore, ever again. It’s not safe. She needs to stop any and all kinds of thoughts like this as soon as possible. She feels filthy, disgusting and like she needs to shower again. The thought that she’s just made a seriously stupid mistake makes its way into her head and stays there, with no signs of leaving any time soon.

She decides that she needs to leave Sydney. Right away, preferably. She texts player and asks him to book a flight for the following night. Private jet is fine, but economy class on a normal plane works too. She doesn’t care. She just needs to leave. 

She mentally prepares an idea of how she’s going to tell Gray and makes a plan to be packed, at the airport for her flight and out of Gray’s life by tomorrow night. 

She goes to sleep that night feeling heartbroken, ashamed and upset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hate myself xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading xoxo


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